Cell Phones

An open letter to cell phone users while shopping:

Dear Sir/Madam:

I'm sure that whatever INTERESTING conversation is so important as you wander the racks and halls while incessantly chatting away about Little Billie's first tinkle, Aunt Celine's coronary by-pass or the myriad of other things that I overhear is that you just CANNOT disconnect.

Don't give me the hairy eyeball, thinking that I am ignoring you. In fact, I'm giving you the personal space to have your urgent phone call. It must be hella important for you to take that call in a public space (for all to hear), so I leave you in peace.

Perhaps you are trying to signal the world that you are so important that you MUST be on the phone 24/7 and that the spinning of our planet DEPENDS on the conversation you are having. By all means, if this is the case have at it, as I have no interest in being flung into the realms of the universe the moment Earth stops spinning. 

My job is to ensure that you get the best possible service and attention and to fulfill your need. It's not easy being part of your three-way phone conversation and I especially love being given the raised finger shushing me up during the critical conversation you're having with NASA or your baby daddy.

Those of you who choose to use a bluetooth while saving the world, well the only thing I can say is that you look like an escaped mental ward patient.... flailing your hands while speaking into the air. Yes, I can direct you to the straight-jacket section of the store.......

I don't mind if you need to make a call to check and see if the size/color/style is what Uncle Phil wears, that helps us both out.

Other than that, get the fuck off the phone.